We have been freed from happy nonsense Medusa asked readers to remember what they dreamed about before February 2022 And found out if they are dreaming now

Days before the anniversary of Russia's full-scale invasion of Ukraine, meduza asked readers to remember what they dreamed about until February 2022 Readers from Ukraine, Russia and other countries responded to our request.

We publish dozens of letters that prove once again that many of us continue to dream even now (we believe that this is necessary even in the darkest times) The published letters have been slightly edited.

Meduza asks readers to understand that we can publish only a part of your letters Rest assured: we have read them all - and we are very grateful to you.

Thank you! Anna Kharkov February 23 [2022] I cut a new collection of children's clothing I was in a hurry, because a photo shoot was scheduled for March 5: a sweet girl with clear eyes and a charming smile would be a model.

At ten o'clock I gave all the cut to the tailor Galina usually sits at the typewriter at seven in the morning - and magic happens.

Galina still sent the collection away - to the sound of shelling To at least something to occupy hands and thoughts, to be distracted, to keep in touch with reality.

She even managed to give me these robes and dresses, but I didn’t look at them anymore They are still packed at home in Kharkov.

And I left the next day with a child and a small backpack As a result, the collection was filmed in the summer on another girl with not so clear eyes, with a charming, but not very cheerful smile.

[Now I dream] about the victory of Ukraine How to restore everything.

About how children's laughter will again be in the yard About the fact that I will release more than one collection.

And I will teach more than one child the magic of creating clothes Svyatoslav Slavyansk My wife and I chose a house.

She was pregnant with her second child who was born on February 16, 2022, a week before the war I worked as a director of two stores, I made good money by local standards.

Now we are in Vinnitsa We were "liberated" from "happy [everyday] nonsense".

And yes, I also have a Russian passport - I tried to get a Ukrainian one, but I ran into a vicious circle We dream of victory [victory] - we don’t call it differently, but also about our own, and not a rented apartment.

Katerina Krym Before the start of the war, I thought that I could finish my bachelor's degree at a Russian university without remorse and continue my studies abroad That I can safely get the first Ukrainian passport, just in case.

It all ended that morning Now I plan to quit my studies in Russia and go to the EU or Ukraine.

Get an official (Ukrainian) passport and start from scratch Hope, this time studying at the university will not cause such negative emotions.

[I dream] that Crimea will be returned without serious damage and losses That the war will end in 2023 (in 2024 - maximum) and will not develop into the Third World War.

Nika Belarus - St Petersburg Since childhood, I played in the theater.

My dream was to talk to the people on the stage freely - without fear of fines, arrests and harassment In Russia, this turned out to be impossible, and I entered the theater department in Europe.

It was a dream university, a place where I could realize what I had been dreaming up for years Because of the decisions of one particular person to start a war, I lost the opportunity to fulfill this dream.

I'm still in Russia and I don't have the opportunity to talk - only to think about it, listening to music on the bus and mentally making my theater I want to come to Kharkov to my friends.

I want to bring a cake for my friend's birthday from Kharkov on February 24th I want to walk around Lviv and drink cava.

I want to hug my aunt in Odessa and go with her to prayer in the synagogue I want those who are no longer with me to be alive and that they respond to my messages.

I want God to be - and they no longer suffer at least after death I want there to be no war, no Putin, Lukashenko and everyone involved in war crimes, and so that I can return home.

For Mariupol to be the same as it was before So that I can not be afraid of knocking on the door.

I want to wake up and realize that this is all a dream, go to work and tell everyone what a terrible nightmare I had I want to sing songs in Ukrainian and not be afraid that someone will hear.

I want to speak my native language and not catch the sidelong glances of passers-by I want to see [live] those who left Russia and now smiles at me only in a telegram circle.

I want my mother to stop being neutral and condemn the war I want to reconcile with my mother.

I want to walk the streets and not feel guilty that I can do it To be honest, I don’t plan anything: well, well, maybe for the next couple of days.

I still dream more, but with a feeling of hopelessness In Sims, I created those whom I lost, I make them a good life: more money, a dream job, hangouts, friends.

I don't think they would mind Alexandra Samara For as long as I can remember, to the sound of the chiming clock or when I made a wish for some other reason, I mentally thought about one thing: if only my loved ones were healthy and there was no war.

I keep making the same wish Katya From Everywhere [Before the war] wanted to sell an apartment in Russia and buy it in the place where I [now] live.

I planned to go to Odessa in the summer of 2022 to look for family documents in the archives I wanted to properly learn the language of the country in which I am, and fully study at the university where I entered.

I wanted to work at the UN because I thought that such organizations are really doing something useful (haha) [Now I dream] about Putin getting to The Hague.

For my Ukrainian friends and relatives to finally live in peace More about living in a routine, thinking in the morning, what to do with your child after school, and not about how to emigrate again.

I want to read books and watch movies, endlessly without switching to thoughts about the war Daria Petersburg - emigration At the beginning of February 2022, we bought land and started designing a country house.

They wanted to build it and have a second child Now you can only dream about it there is absolutely nothing to plan for.

For almost a year we have not lived in Russia, but we still hope to return to the “beautiful Russia of the future” or at least to a safe, peaceful Russia and build a home and a future in it Marina Sibir - Georgia Before the war, I dreamed of moving from my native Siberia to St.

Petersburg, February 24 crossed out my dreams I work as a journalist - that morning I was sitting on the news feed and watching Putin declare war.

And after 10 minutes, rockets flew towards Ukrainian cities: I looked helplessly at what I could not stop, and watched how my plans for life in Russia exploded along with the shells For me, the meaning of living in a country that does real evil is completely lost.

[I dream] that this regime would collapse in a state whose passport is in the pocket of a backpack About changing it to a democratic one.

About real pluralism of opinions and freedom of speech in Russia That my country finally lags behind other states and does not get into their affairs.

That the Russian Federation recognize its war crimes, return Ukraine its legal territories and pay reparations to Ukrainians It is now impossible to plan something for a long time.

There are some vague prospects for a couple of months ahead - and good I don't plan on returning home for the foreseeable future.

I dream of freedom of movement and [I want] to get a job in a company not under Russian jurisdiction, so as not to pay taxes to Russia, not to support the Russian authorities with my money and not to depend on the ruble exchange rate Andrey Russia-Israel [Before the start of the war he dreamed] to visit Kyiv.

Many friends from Ukraine told how the city looks like in spring Always wanted to see it for myself.

As soon as I received an Israeli passport and got used to it, I thought that now I can already visit Kyiv [Now I dream] about the end of the war, about the victory of Ukraine, about the freedom of political prisoners.

About the Court About returning to the borders of 1991, about the freedom of all territories alienated (squeezed out) by Russia, about a free Russia.

(Answering the question of whether you need to plan your life now - approx Meduza) You always need to plan, at least a week in advance.

Pavel Chelyabinsk Before the start of the war, I planned to finish my studies in my favorite, albeit poorly paid, profession, to become a scientist, to do my favorite thing - research Despite the meager prospects, especially for my direction, I was on fire with this business.

And now I want to leave In Russia, it was not safe and stable before, but now, when everything around is forcibly pushing you into the framework of “correct” patriotism (otherwise, what peeps out of these frames is cut off), I don’t want to stay here.

As a free person, as a person who disagrees with the war, as a scientist, as part of LGBTQ +, this country does not need me Being in another country, I plan to start doing what I wanted, but I was afraid to help Ukraine, at least with donations.

Masha Petersburg My husband and I planned to spend the winter in Sochi, return to our beloved St Petersburg in the summer, and in September try to emigrate (to Georgia, for example), we thought about having a child.

Now my only dream is to end this terrible war as soon as possible Now the planning horizon is about a couple of weeks or a month in advance.

But we still do not know where we will live next, whether it is worth having children and in what world we will live tomorrow Planning, of course, is still possible, if it reassures.

But to do this [should] be corrected, that with a probability of 99% these plans will not come true Dmitry Russia I wanted to sell an apartment, buy a new home, get a loan.

I dreamed of going, finally, on vacation somewhere other than Toussaint Now I do not know what will happen tomorrow, whether I will still be able to go to work without the risk of forced mobilization.

I am against the war, and I would rather get a criminal case [than go to the front], but the prospects are absolutely bleak My planning horizon has narrowed to one or two days, and I don’t see the point in making plans.

Jundy Buryatia - USA Before the war, my family and I lived in Moscow for a year and a half We rented an apartment, worked as a system administrator, my wife [was] at home with the children.

They planned to sell a kopeck piece in Ulan-Ude and take a mortgage in the Moscow region But everything has changed - now we are in the USA, we crossed the border in January 2023.

[Now we dream] to adapt to the United States as soon as possible, learn the language, find a job We plan to spend our future life here, although a year ago we did not even think about it.

Ruslan Moscow [Before the war] dreamed of becoming a web designer and developing in IT I started studying at the end of 2021 - and all plans were thwarted by moving out of the country.

Now I dream of getting rid of loneliness, since all my friends and relatives have gone to different countries For the future, I try not to make any plans at all, so as not to be disappointed because they did not work out.

Vasilisa Sochi [Before the war], I planned to enter a Swedish master's program on a scholarship program and start studying in 2023 But in April 2022, the program was suspended for participants from Russia.

I dream that educational institutions will revise the policy towards students from the Russian Federation, — and I can continue my studies and finally leave here [In general, now] planning is necessary, but in the current conditions, it may be worth relying mainly on short-term goals.

Kristina Russia - Georgia Before the war, my husband and I bought a plot and a project for a house The child chose a room for himself on the plan, we outlined what plants we would plant in the courtyard.

There was a foundation, blocks for the construction of the first floor were ordered - they were supposed to arrive on February 25th On the first day of the war, when we were able to function a little, we canceled the order.

Now we are selling land and living in Tbilisi, with my grandmother in her apartment Now my dream is to get another citizenship, start a business and take everyone who wants it.

It seems to me that I have been "cured" of long-term planning Nikita Moscow - Pattaya All my adult life I have been in love with Estonia.

I like the culture, history, language of this country Before the war, I dreamed of moving there, getting Estonian citizenship, and integrating into society.

Learned the language After February 24, I became an unwanted guest in Estonia simply because I had a Russian passport in my pocket.

Let it be naive, but I dream that when the regime changes in Russia and Russia will again have to learn to be friends with its neighbors, including Estonia, then people like me will help to improve relations Now I feel that my dream is moving away: I had two countries that were close to me, Russia and Estonia, and now I am not welcome either there or there.

Sergey Russia - Kazakhstan - Thailand - Montenegro [Before the war, I planned] to spend a vacation in Slovenia with my girlfriend (who is studying in Germany), get injected there with [the coronavirus vaccine] Moderna, so that in the future you can safely travel around Europe Arrange a business trip to Germany and reunite with the girl.

[After the war, it became clear] that relations at a distance of 75,000 rubles no longer work The command fell apart.

I didn’t have time to inject [with the vaccine] - I spent the whole vacation running and learning how to extend my visa and stay in Slovenia in the first week of the war Unsuccessfully.

He left first for Kazakhstan, then for Thailand Getting a residence permit here is almost impossible.

I plan to get a residence permit in Montenegro and from there apply [for the Schengen] to the consulate of one of the EU countries] In these circumstances, it is difficult to build a new personal life: with the locals - a cultural barrier, with local Russians - an empathic barrier (those who have been living abroad for a long time do not understand the drama of emigration against the backdrop of the war).

In resort places with local Russians there is a barrier of values: what for me is emigration, For them, it's just winter On civil escapism, all the years that the nuts are being tightened, I trigger more and more.

I can't spend even an hour in the company of a person whom near-political topics introduce into a defensive "let's-without-politics" position Assaf Omsk Planned to open the first business, collected money - plans for 2022 were simply colossal.

But at first, 35 percent flew over the estimate, and then “caught up” with everything else: experiences, fear of the future - and all the typical thoughts of people inherent in my environment Business with varying success, but it works.

[But now I] dream of quietly going about my business, not thinking that tomorrow it will all have to be closed, abandoned and left In the past, small business owners only had to adjust for wind, but now they also have to account for bullets.

Varvara Moscow I was going to Kyiv for the first time since 2015, since the beginning of the war in eastern Ukraine I experienced what was happening very hard - it was a strong demolition and a difficult parting with the country closest to me, called my homeland, beloved Ukraine.

But friends do not get younger, and I wanted to see everyone In February, a terrible disaster came, the war became full-scale, and I do not know if I will ever see my friends alive.

I also dreamed of growing up, taking life into my own hands, coming out I decided to start by buying an apartment in order to move out from my parents.

I carefully calculated everything, drew up a financial plan, took the necessary amount of work, and delved into investments February 2022 froze most of my savings for what seems like a very long time (or forever).

I decided that there can be no home in this country, no security - they can always come for you, and in my position it is certainly impossible to build a family [Recently I] realized that I literally [dream] of nothing.

The war turned out to be incredibly difficult, even in the routine of daily life I have turned into a function: we need to pay a lot of attention to helping refugees, NPOs left in a difficult situation, the old people left behind.

I don't allow myself to leave I would like to do this, but at a point where the war is over and Russia can be put on the road to recovery.

I am aware that the terms may be longer than my own life Ukraine, no matter how scary and hard it may be now, is at the exit point, and we are at the point of decline, and this exit is not yet visible even on the horizon.

But there are incredible people who see him, speak boldly and openly, and who sit behind their convictions: they have great support and hope Mikhail Voronezh [By the beginning of 2022] the covid epidemic had almost come to an end, and so I wanted again, as in 2019, to calmly go to the cinema and see my friends more often.

And don't worry about your parents [Now I dream] of peace.

What else to dream about, and what to plan now? Sasha Moscow - emigration I wanted to deal with the personal crisis that I had been going through for about six months by that time To be honest, I figured it out and eventually understood what my country and my home meant to me.

Now I plan to return to fight for a democratic and happy future for Russia I think that the time to dream ended a year ago - you can only plan and do.

Nikita Samara A year before the start of the war, I met the woman of my life, a month [before her] I made an offer The war broke our relationship.

We managed to get married but in the end, divorce proceedings are underway - and ends on February 28, 2023 He dreamed of spending his whole life with her, having children.

You need to [continue] to plan [and beyond], no matter what I continue to believe in love and dream about it.

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